I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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