You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
