capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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