party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
