Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
