I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
