And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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