So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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