"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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