My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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