I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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