nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
