So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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