I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
