I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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