Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize