In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
