I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
