Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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