Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
