I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
