Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
