how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
