What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
