If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
