dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
