You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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