The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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