yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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