we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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