I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
