i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
