I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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