it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
