yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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