I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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