i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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