there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize