I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
