there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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