Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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