if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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