I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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