She said her name was "party"
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
