i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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