Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
