Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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