Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
