I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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