I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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