Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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