i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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