We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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