It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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