Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you win again, gameday.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
