I think I won the penis lottery.
that's an acceptable place to lick
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
