i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
