I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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