he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
