yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
