and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox