I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs