proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.