There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices