We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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