tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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