someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
