I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
