I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
