Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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