btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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