Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
