dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
